If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
