never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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