I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
