You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
