think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
