in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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