You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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