The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
