I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
