I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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