Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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