apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
