I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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