after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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