When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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