If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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