the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
