I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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