i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Someone signed my nipple.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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