I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
