M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
