mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
