I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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