We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
