I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
