recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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