Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
