there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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