I wanna bring you to show and tell
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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