Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
