Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
