I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
