At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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