I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
