the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
