do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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