Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
