I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
