Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
