hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
