She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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