You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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