don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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