he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
