Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
