Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
