oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
