You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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