I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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