I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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