I just threw up on my dentist
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
