i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
