and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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