I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
